Thursday, November 12, 2009

Places lizards should not be found

It’s been too long since I blogged. 

Would a funny story make up for my seeming betrayal?

Good!  Here goes…

Lately Miss Alice has been making sleep even more of a challenge than it usually is for me.  There is alot of shifting and a mountain of pillows of all shapes and sizes involved.  And don’t even get me started about what a production it is to fight through all of this when I need to exit the bed.

About 4am last night, I’m sleeping soundly for once.  Suddenly, I find myself standing at the end of the bed, fully awake and in some sort of plastic action figure battle pose.  All I remember is seeing a small, black, mean-looking lizard on my pillow next to me.  As in NEXT TO MY HEAD.  Unacceptable.

After a thorough search of the bed and surrounding area, including shaking out every one of the aforementioned mountain of pillows, I came up with no lizard.  Did I imagine him?  Dream him?  Is he just that fast?  I still don’t know.

Meanwhile, my back really hurts.  Turns out that, when triggering my reflexive ninja backflip from the bed, my brain failed to take into account the fact that my body is over 8 months pregnant.  Picture a hippopotamus trying to make it through the obstacle course on American Gladiators.  That’s a normal day for me right about now.  I won’t be surprised if Alice is born with a Nerf gun in hand.

So the rest of my night is spent in various locations throughout the house with a sprained back, trying to doze.  One cat, assuming that since I’m up, I should obviously be serving breakfast, follows me around poking at me.  Alice is inside kicking furiously, as if to say “What’s going on?  I can’t see a thing!”

Husband comes home from work, listens to my tale, checks the bed, proclaims me absolutely insane, and peacefully falls asleep in the lizard-infested bed without another thought. 

I do wonder if this entire episode is nothing more than the result of the small person inside of my just being hungry.  Or perhaps the imaginary lizard was eating imaginary bugs in the bed, which happen to be a recurring nightmare of mine.  In that case, I’ll let him do his imaginary job.

Let the husband deal with him now.


  1. I can believe that a lizard would creep into your bed! We found many small reptiles in our house when we lived in FL. I don't think your insane. If you had been afraid of... a pig infestation or something, then I would have to agree with Anson.

  2. Good grief--I was scared that you'd say you found the lizard smashed and flattened like a sugar cookie against your back or something.

  3. As gross as that would be, at least then I would have sure knowledge of both his existence and his whereabouts.